It’s been a little over a week since Bajan Mutt passed away. I still listen for her in the morning and look for her in the playroom at night where she liked to sleep curled up in the girls old toddler bed.
The loss of our beloved pup wasn’t a huge surprise, she was diagnosed with cancer in early March and we knew the treatment we were pursuing was palliative, but the speed at which she left us has thrown us for a spin.
Months ago we tried to delicately prepare our hearts for her departure, In late March we adopted a delightful little furry chap from St. Lucia and I started to let my mind wander to how I wanted her last days to go. All the French fries she could eat, sleeping on Tiny Human #1’s bed with Tiny Human #1 cuddling her and finally passing away quietly at home with all of us with her. The reality was harshly different. The heaviest load carried by M who took her to the vet for the last time.
What started out as a fairly ordinary Wednesday in COVID lockdown turned into as Tiny Human #1 put it “the worst Wednesday in the history of Wednesdays.” The girls handled everything with such grace and maturity, the tears come when they see her collar sitting on the bookcase in my room but they are also braver than me, digging through old photos to remember happy times with the dog that they will compare every dog to for the rest of their lives.
In many ways the loss of Bajan Mutt also feels like the loss of a chapter in my life. M and I had been married for 9 months when she wormed her way into our hearts. She was with us as we adjusted to life back in Canada, kept us company when one of us was travelling for work and was the back seat driver for many adventures. (Including the time she dropped her toy out the window of a hotel in Vermont or the trip to Boston where she was welcomed with her own “doggy bag” and allowed to hang out with us in the hotel lobby bar.)
She was there when the Tiny Humans were born and was the silent witness to our best and worst parenting moments. She went on her own adventures with the Tiny Humans sharing their joy as we turned off the highway in Port Hope and joining us for Tiny Human #1’s epic western road trip that included a 9 hour detour to drive around the 2013 floods in Calgary.
Her final gift to us was helping pass down some of her wisdom to our little lad from St. Lucia. He knows he has big paws to fill but I think he’s up for the job.
Inside the Mommy Bag 